I had no intention at any point in my life prior to the birth of my children, and perhaps even a little after that, of being a stay at home mom. I was going to be a career woman. Laugh if you will, but that is what I thought. Now here I am in my thirties asking should I go back to work, and what would I do if I did? I, like many others, have worked most of my life. As a child I would get paid for doing extra chores for my parents which led me to wanting more extra cash, which led to babysitting. Babysitting eventually led me to my first real job, at a restaurant. The restaurant was owned by our neighbors, for whom I used to babysit. I was 15 and had to get permission from my school, called a work permit. At the time I thought it was strange my school had something to say about it, but there it is. I loved meeting my coworkers at the restaurant, but I was a table busser. I would try to make my job more fun, by having races with the other bussers who could clean a table the best, at the fastest speed. Since I was only 15, I thought my boss was too strict. I would get the 'glare' if I was in the bussing station talking for even a minute to my fellow employees, which meant to get back to work. I learned that pleasing my boss would make my job more satisfying. The job didn't last long, from what I remember, but it was my first lesson in the importance of pleasing people.
Before I had kids, I worked in the book business. In the last week, my old company has been contacting me to ask if I am available to work again. It really surprised me and I began to wonder if I am supposed to go back to work now. Then I hear my 18 month old calling, "Mommy, Mommy, MOM!" and I remember who I work for now can be very demanding. At times, my kids drive me crazy and I feel as if I could pull my hair out. However, on the other hand I am having a hard time thinking of my 18 month old in a daycare. Economically, I have to decide if I can make enough money to cover the cost of daycare. After that I will have to deal with my trust issues. Living in Los Angeles, I am not sure how people are able to trust enough to leave their kids with strangers in this city. How do you really know who they are? Then again I trust my daughters preschool, and will be sending her to the local public elementary school with few reservations. I have been lucky enough to be at home with my first daughter until she started preschool when she was 4. Will I not be able to do the same with my second? I have a feeling my second will be starting preschool way before she is 4. In a time where jobs are scarce and money is tight, I am curious when will the right time be for me to return to the working masses.
The bigger question may be, am I ready to go back to work? My wardrobe certainly is not, my little scheduled life would be thrown out the window as well. Yet, maybe I am ready to be back with the well dressed, busy working adults. Contributing to society, creating office relationships, with no talk about naps, and potty, and diapers. I realized I still want to be that stay at home mom, just a little longer. I want to be there for the big steps, like potty training, and kindergarten which are right around the corner for my girls. My girls will grow in time, and I know when they go to school then I too must go back to work. These precious years I am sharing with them, when they are just beginning their life, are wonderful memories for me. Memories full of chubby arms, baby talk, sweet kisses, hugs, diapers and nap time that I wouldn't trade for more money in the bank.
