Back to Work, Already?!

I am a happy stay at home mom. I love my girls, I love my husband, and I love where we live.  Lately the topic of money has been hovering over our family for sometime now. In a heated conversation about budgeting, saving, and where does the money go my husband blurted out, "You need to go back to work!" Of course later he told me he was not really serious about the demand for me to be working again, but I knew it was on his mind. We all get frustrated about money, especially this time of year, when peoples W-2's are coming in to prepare us for the dreaded yearly tax filing.  We begin asking ourselves, where did it all go?

I had no intention at any point in my life prior to the birth of my children, and perhaps even a little after that, of being a stay at home mom. I was going to be a career woman. Laugh if you will, but that is what I thought.  Now here I am in my thirties asking should I go back to work, and what would I do if I did?  I, like many others, have worked most of my life.  As a child I would get paid for doing extra chores for my parents which led me to wanting more extra cash, which led to babysitting.  Babysitting eventually led me to my first real job, at a restaurant.  The restaurant was owned by our neighbors, for whom I used to babysit.  I was 15 and had to get permission from my school, called a work permit. At the time I thought it was strange my school had something to say about it, but there it is.  I loved meeting my coworkers at the restaurant, but I was a table busser. I would try to make my job more fun, by having races with the other bussers who could clean a table the best, at the fastest speed.  Since I was only 15, I thought my boss was too strict. I would get the 'glare' if I was in the bussing station talking for even a minute to my fellow employees, which meant to get back to work.  I learned that pleasing my boss would make my job more satisfying. The job didn't last long, from what I remember, but it was my first lesson in the importance of pleasing people.

Before I had kids, I worked in the book business. In the last week, my old company has been contacting me to ask if I am available to work again.  It really surprised me and I began to wonder if I am supposed to go back to work now. Then I hear my 18 month old calling, "Mommy, Mommy, MOM!" and I remember who I work for now can be very demanding. At times, my kids drive me crazy and I feel as if I could pull my hair out.  However, on the other hand I am having a hard time thinking of my 18 month old in a daycare. Economically, I have to decide if I can make enough money to cover the cost of daycare. After that I will have to deal with my trust issues. Living in Los Angeles, I am not sure how people are able to trust enough to leave their kids with strangers in this city.  How do you really know who they are? Then again I trust my daughters preschool, and will be sending her to the local public elementary school with few reservations.  I have been lucky enough to be at home with my first daughter until she started preschool when she was 4. Will I not be able to do the same with my second?  I have a feeling my second will be starting preschool way before she is 4. In a time where jobs are scarce and money is tight, I am curious when will the right time be for me to return to the working masses.

The bigger question may be, am I ready to go back to work? My wardrobe certainly is not, my little scheduled life would be thrown out the window as well.  Yet, maybe I am ready to be back with the well dressed, busy working adults. Contributing to society, creating office relationships, with no talk about naps, and potty, and diapers. I realized I still want to be that stay at home mom, just a little longer. I want to be there for the big steps, like potty training, and kindergarten which are right around the corner for my girls. My girls will grow in time, and I know when they go to school then I too must go back to work.  These precious years I am sharing with them, when they are just beginning their life, are wonderful memories for me.  Memories full of chubby arms, baby talk, sweet kisses, hugs, diapers and nap time that I wouldn't trade for more money in the bank. 

Thankful for My Crazy Life

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone, this years' dinner was again, a success.  My husband has asked we always host Thanksgiving, to begin a tradition of dinner at home for our children to follow for many years to come.  Although this year was a little more stressful with a one year old underfoot when ever I was cooking, and towards the end she wanted to held the whole time! I took on some challenges to do all my dishes from scratch.  Dessert, I haven't braved yet with the whole dinner, that was brought by my aunt, and the pies were delicious.  I have to give credit to the Food Network for introducing me to a brine recipe for brining the turkey, it was so tender and juicy.  My family was a great support, trying to keep the kids busy while I was preparing the food, and my husband was setting the table.  There were a few scary times, when I thought I had overcooked the turkey, but it was great, and when a glass pot lid got to hot, popped and shattered all over the stove in the middle of cooking many Thanksgiving dishes!  Well I can't be cooking a major meal, without some sort of disaster, can I?

Sadly, I have no pictures to share right now, because although we took tons of pictures, my camera is missing. This is the second Canon, that has disappeared, oddly.  I last saw it on the table while everyone was eating pie, I snapped a few more pictures, and that is all I know!  I have looked through every basket, trash can, and cabinet I can think of.  I even looked for the camera in the freezer, the fridge and the bathtub. How could it just disappear from the apartment like that?  My husband is over it, but I am really bummed.  Sure pictures are just pictures, but it feels like years later, that this year wont be documented.  Last time, the camera was left in my husbands old car door pocket, and I think it probably just fell out one day.  I was very upset about that one, since for years I used HP cameras and found out how much I loved Canon.  Then later, I realized it was sort of a good thing it was lost, because I got a better newer camera out of it!  I am a gadget girl at heart, I love to have my digital camcorder, my 10 megapixel camera, my husbands iPod and my HTC Incredible Android phone.  So, perhaps it will be another blessing in disguise, but in the meantime, I am back to using my Nikon Coolpix, camera which I like, but do not love!  My complaint is the shutter speed is too slow, and I find I am constantly missing great pictures just by a few seconds.  Well, I am still hoping my camera will show up, and thankfully I had emptied it right before Thanksgiving, so I have a cute pilgrim to leave you with.  Now, on to Santa pictures, there will surely be tears, then on to Christmas and New Years, its going to be a busy fun crazy time.

Happy Holidays!

I Can SEE!

My Lasik eye surgery was about two weeks ago. I can say I am very happy with my vision today, my surgery was a success.  I had a really hard time writing a follow up for my surgery without being too negative and whiny.  So time has passed, and I am hoping it will come out better now.  IT HURT!! Apparently, my pain threshold has dropped since the birth of my children. I used to be a fairly tough girl, but now I have turned out to be a wimpy woman, and I am not exactly happy about it.  Once again I have lost control of one more thing!  I have talked to people who have also had Lasik and they claim it did not hurt. At first I figured this is similar to the labor pains mothers experience, they are awful, but manageable for just one day, and the result is the birth of a child, so you begin to forget the pain!  Yet there many moms that will torture they're kids for years about how awful the birth really was. Everyone is different, I hear this alot, yet all that really means is, "Bummer, sorry it was so bad for you, lucky me!"

I was anxious the day of surgery, however they gave me a pill to relax. When I went into the surgery room, they handed me a teddy bear to hold, and I thought they were joking!  I did cry after they did the first eye, I have to say it was nothing like a fish sucking on my eye as some say.  It just plain hurt and was uncomfortable with all the lights flashing and then you must look at a green blinking light the whole time. All the while people just keep dropping different types of drops in the same eye, and at one point your vision goes completely dark.  I just tried to think, one down one to go. The doctor said, "Wow, are you okay? Maybe we should stop before going on to the other eye."  I said, 'NO, just get it over with'! Thankfully the right eye was not as extensive of a surgery, and was over before I knew it. I really thought the worst was over, no pain no gain right?  However, they then told me that the worst was yet to come, the first four hours would be painful and that I should go home and sleep.  I warned my husband that he would be with the girls, for at least the first day, good thing too.  I was in bed for at least four hours, but I hardly slept at all. I experienced the worst itching and burning pain, it made me want to gouge my eyes out, so I took more Motrin and slept about 20 minutes and then after about 30 more minutes the pain thankfully began to subside. After that sensitivity to light was the next step and then after a couple of days I was driving during the day. Sure my youngest daughter did poke me in the eye and I had to go back and have them fix it, just a wrinkle they said. It was sore for just two days and then it was almost Halloween and my husband asked me, how were my eyes and I realized they were excellent. So a week after my surgery I was driving at night, with no problems at all.

Though the experience was not one I wish to repeat, I would still stay it was worth it. I have to remember at night not to think I need to take out my contacts.  As I am laying in bed and wake being able to see the city lights, I keep reminding myself, that no I did not not fall asleep with my contacts in! Some people like my husband, have been lucky enough to have been born with a good eye gene.  I hope my poor eye sight is one thing my girls don't inherit from me! I really appreciate my sight now, even when I get a baby toe or finger poked in my eyes!

Halloween with no Contacts or Glasses!